Caring for the caregiver
When helping becomes a continuous task
Accompanying a person who is fragile, ill, or no longer autonomous is a profound experience. It can be a gesture of love, responsibility, or giving back.
However, it can also become tiring, all-consuming, and at times exhausting. Days are filled with chores, decisions, and worries. Time for oneself diminishes. Personal life, work, and other relationships may take a backseat. Many caregivers carry on for months or years without ever stopping to ask themselves how they are, motivated by a strong sense of duty and responsibility, but also by gratitude or care for the other person.
Difficult (and often unspoken) emotions
Alongside affection, complex feelings can emerge: fatigue, irritation, guilt for wanting a break, anger about the situation, and the fear of not being able to cope. Sometimes there is even shame in feeling these emotions because they seem to conflict with the idea of being a “good person,” or one feels obligated to care for the other while setting themselves aside. Consequently, one remains alone even within their own feelings.
The invisible burden
Being a caregiver does not just mean doing things. It means constantly keeping problems, appointments, therapies, risks, and unforeseen events in mind. It is a responsibility that occupies mental space day and night. This overload can lead to the exhaustion of physical strength and mental energy, difficulty concentrating, irritability, sleep disturbances, and isolation.
This situation has a name: burden, meaning an excessive caregiving load because it is prolonged over time and involves feelings of:
- reduction or elimination of one’s own time, which is mostly or entirely dedicated to caring for the other, either directly (assisting them with dressing or accompanying them to appointments, for example) or indirectly (for example, booking appointments, managing their bills, grocery shopping, etc.)
- being excluded from the “normal” life that others of the same age experience
- not being understood or supported by other family members
- having greater difficulty with concentration, memory, and attention, which leads to lower performance at work or in other areas of life
- an increase in physical ailments, such as stomach aches, headaches, sleep disturbances, dizziness, and breathing difficulties, with a consequent increase in the use of medications or other substances (nicotine, caffeine, food, etc.)
- experiencing feelings of anger or irritation toward others in general, toward family members, or toward the person being cared for
When the amount of time dedicated to caregiving exceeds a certain threshold and is prolonged over time, it is normal to experience these feelings. However, these sensations are warning signs indicating that the burden we are experiencing is excessive and that it is necessary to ask for help.
Why asking for help is difficult
Many caregivers think: “I have to manage,” “It is my duty,” or “I cannot complain: after all, I am not the one who is sick.” Alternatively, they fear that asking for help is a sign of weakness or that taking care of themselves means taking something away from the person they are assisting.
In reality, taking care of oneself is a duty because it also means protecting the quality of care. You are not weak; you are human, and no one can handle everything alone forever.
To be able to care for the other person well, I must also care for myself well.
The type of support we offer
At Spazio FormaMentis, we work with caregivers within a cognitive-constructivist, evolutionist, and trauma-informed framework.
This means helping the individual to:
recognize their own emotional burden
legitimize ambivalent feelings
understand the realistic limits of their own strength
prevent burnout
maintain spaces for personal identity
find sustainable ways of providing help
It is not about doing less or taking time away from the other person. It is about being able to continue caring for the other without breaking down.
A space for those who provide support
Support can take place through individual sessions, consultations, or groups dedicated to caregivers.
Having a space where one can speak freely, without having to be strong at all costs, allows one to regain energy, clarity, and a sense of direction.
When it can be helpful
It may be time to ask for support when you feel constantly tired, angry, or guilty, when you have the impression that you no longer have time, or when worry occupies every thought.
You should not wait until you are at your limit.
Those who provide support also have the right to be supported.
