Loss and identity changes in old age
As the years go by, time passes and, along with it, many things change. On one hand, experience, knowledge, and a form of wisdom are acquired; on the other, abilities, roles, and characteristics that we had taken for granted for a long time are lost.
Physical efficiency decreases, the appearance of the body often changes, sometimes the professional role is lost, or social relationships and contacts diminish.
These transformations are not only external, but deeply challenge the image we have of ourselves.
The impact of loss
When we notice these losses, the first reaction is often disbelief. Immediately after, a phase of internal protest may appear: “It is not possible”. The discovery of one’s own physical inefficiency can be experienced as traumatic. One realizes that reading a medicine leaflet is difficult even with glasses, that distinguishing small objects or details becomes complicated, and that taking a book from a high shelf involves pain and effort. These are experiences that make one feel clumsy and awkward, and that can reactivate feelings of inadequacy already experienced in other phases of life.
The anger arising from hindrance
The blockage does not stem from a lack of will, but from the sudden impact with a different reality. We can no longer move freely, easily, and without pain as we have done for decades. Simple actions like getting out of bed, tying shoes, or picking up an object from the floor become exhausting. Every obstacle encountered generates anger: not simple frustration, but the anger that emerges when we feel hindered in achieving what we desire.
The self-ideal that no longer exists
In these moments, the expectation concerns not only what we want to do, but also who we believe we should be. There is a continuous comparison with an ideal image of self that belongs to the past. If we fail to recognize that this ideal is no longer current, we risk experiencing a sense of inadequacy on a daily basis.
When anger turns into shame
This experience of inadequacy, on an emotional level, often translates into shame. Shame grows with age because we progressively move away from the models of efficiency, beauty, power, and role that defined our identity. Old age thus becomes a complex phase: if we do not distance ourselves from these models and build new ones, inadequacy can become chronic. Often this shame is confused with depression.
Giving a name to emotions
At SpazioFormaMentis, we prefer not to use rigid diagnostic categories. Our work consists of helping people to
· decode their emotions,
· give a name to experiences
· and understand why they feel helpless, angry, or inadequate.
Understanding the mechanism that sustains suffering is the first step toward not being overwhelmed by it.
Redefining identity models
The work does not consist of recovering what is no longer recoverable, such as the beauty, power, or roles of the past. It consists of redefining identity models and ideals in a personal, realistic, and authentic way. The goal is to help everyone regain a sense of freedom and power, regulating painful emotions and developing new adaptation skills. In this way, it becomes possible to value the resources that old age, despite everything, continues to offer.
